But Does He Book-Out—Appraising Mr. Right

Over lunch and small talk about family the other day, a classmate asked me what my relationship deal was—married, engaged, involved? As a pretty much token single gal my initial response was an emphatic no—nothing going on at the moment. Not to sound snooty, but the prospects just haven’t been that good. I’m not about being in something just to be in it, and honestly lately I’m pretty jaded by all the grisly divorces I’ve seen erupting, or dead-end relationships tepid couples eddy and swirl around in just because. I’m not anti-relationship, I’m probably the biggest advocate out there and rally behind the strong ones and am sad when fractured ones fall apart. Another one bites the dust…

 I often feel like I have to justify my singlehood—like it’s some kind of disorder or something. But after a week of studying used car inventory management and my affinity for cross-application; I guess the best way to sum it up is that finding the right man is like finding the right used car.




 All men are not created equal--or at least they don't stay that way after a little wear-and-tear. Especially lately the market has been rather strapped. If looking at the dating pool through the lens of the now dogmatic Velocity Sales method, it’s a seller’s market (for men) and all about inventory turn anyways. So even if there’s a real gem out there, he’s sure to get snatched up before too long. In the event a prospect does manifest himself, below are some criteria to aid in the appraisal of a real winner.

Well they both look pleased!

* Low Mileage: Whether we’re literally talking model year (age) or metaphorically in terms of past relationship baggage; there’s gotta’ be a threshold where getting involved is just not a smart life investment. You might get it off the lot, but is the transmission going to puke in a few thousand miles and leave you stranded? Or is it going to spend so much time in the shop the repair bills will out-weight the value of ownership in the first place? Will it even live through recon? The age thing is obviously on a sliding scale and by no means a deal breaker. But if you don’t get those “in the year you were born” card jokes, or “you know you’re a product of the insert decade here when…” viral facebook post things for the year of your prospective man’s birth, you might just need to move on—you were formed with entirely different world views, your brains are programmed too
differently.

 * One Owner- I’m not saying a likely candidate must have never been in any previous serious relationships—and there is that whole first wave of college or even high school sweethearts that got hitched or are in it for the long-haul, thereby taking all those men out of the market, so the more time that passes the less likely finding a guy with an un-marred track record is anyways—but like a car, the more a man gets passed around the more his value depreciates. A ding from this owner, a messed up fender that never got repaired from that one, and who the heck knows when the spare tire or jack got taken out of the equation. Lord knows the last thing a girl wants is a rental rocket.


 * Don’t want to be buried in the trade- We do live in America—the land of credit and financing—but I pay my own bills, take care of my business, and keep my nose clean. I would expect a gent I got involved with to do the same. Financial responsibility and consistency is a good indicator of stability in other areas of life as well. Basically I’m not asking anybody to be my Sugar Daddy, and I’m sure not looking to become a Sugar Mama.

Maybe not the most awesome maintenance

• Good Maintenance Record- This is a big lifestyle, values and beliefs one. First, every person needs to define his or her own standard of ‘proper maintenance’. There are those that are meticulous about every single service at the local Certified Dealership without going a mile over recommendation, and keep all the records and receipts to prove it. We’ll call these our ultra-healthy, disciplined, routine-monger folks. On the other end of the spectrum you’ve got those who think they’ve changed the oil once or twice and have no idea what that bright yellow exclamation mark-looking light is for, or how long it’s been on. We’ll call those people the more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, less concerned with the details ones. Most of us probably live somewhere in the middle. The point is, if those two tried to own a car together they might end up sort of hating one another. I know you hear all that stuff about opposites attracting, but I gotta’ believe that after a while if two people do not share similar values they just won’t be able to function and grow in tandem.

 So does he take care of himself? Exercise, eat [reasonably] well, like doing the kinds of things you like doing? Is he the same page about values and beliefs? Do you just tolerate or actually get along with each other’s families? Like the adage, “couples that play together stay together,” I would say that couples that tend to have the same outlook on well-being tend to not run out of things to talk about or do together, or eventually wake up one weekend years down the road with two entirely different expectations as to how to spend that time and suddenly find themselves starring at a stranger and thinking, “who is this human, and what do we have in common.”


• Emotional Appeal: Sometimes you just know in your gut that you’ve got a great car on your hands. We are talking about love after-all, when we find it we should all be flat-out twitterpated.

 If we’re really going to flush out this metaphor we would have to bring up market demand, but I want to go ahead and leave that out. You shouldn’t be into someone just because, like, everybody else is.

So what if these guys are out there—and they probably are—right under my nose in fact. I just have no idea where.

 In the car world once you’ve got the right car at the right price you need to advertise it and let the world know it exists—beef up that description, get it on the website, classified sites like autotrader or cars.com. Get some PPC poppin’ and do a quick video walk-around for Youtube. Send out an e-mail campaign, and heck, maybe even a press release. Yell it on the mountaintops of your social media platforms.

These are all examples of digital advertising. Websites like match.com, ok cupid, and other dating sites are designed to do pretty much just that, and apparently a lot of people are having success with the model. What about those of us that would rather do it the old fashioned way though?

In the recent words of a single friend who is dabbling with some of those dating sites but feeling kinda’ eh about it, “I just imagine that it’ll happen naturally—that I’ll be at the grocery store and we’ll reach for the same bunch of asparagus or something…”

 I’m not waiting around for romance to produce itself in the produce section, but I also don’t want to “list my price” or start crunching numbers over the nets so to speak. I don’t want to fire off some auto-responder message, “Hello #ClientFirstName, Thanks for your inquiry, #Desiredperson is a great choice! When can you come by to see her? Is today better, or tomorrow?”

 Forgive my antiquated ways, but I’d rather have you “Call for Price” or better yet, come see my lot in person and I’ll show ya what I got… If men are like used cars then clearly women are too and the same rubric can be applied to us. Obviously all people are not really like cars at all, and any romantic relationship involves lots more chemistry and pheromones and common ground.

 In defense of all the good men that must still be out there, maybe I’m just not showing up to the auction, and I’m definitely not taking any risks on high bids. I have 10, I have 10, 10 10 10. 10 -5 Now?